Where did i smell this before, a mix of vinigar, silver and mustard, the smell of a hotelbar in the morning, without the smoke and ash odeur which mostly goes with it.

From a place i once was and i knew instantly i would ever remember it, i would think of it, like it was  milestone, a moment of pride, fear or astonishment, of being aware, present.

Will i ever find out, maybe,  but it took me back, it took me back wanting to remember how it was to be a family, with my mother and father, sisters and even an aunt, who all lived in our hotel THE ANGEL in Deventer the place where i was born or with my partner and sons, allthough it is not the same, when u are the adult..

I am sad, i am longing for togetherness, want to be loved and have faith, feeling protected without knowing, is it important, is it a drop of water in the ocean of my life or just tying to be real and loved, the smell tells me this?

Is it my soul yearning for the light, the love, the everlasting warm glowing love there is when u leave ur body, when u go to gather with all who had a life on earth.

Years pass by and it all ads up, hours, days, doing what has to be done, going to work, doing the household and so on, life is ok nothing more nothing less.

Till u get a deja vue, then u know u have to stand still, think of what u are doing, making it worth more then just being, living ur life and getting along with it all. U are the one who makes the difference for u, the image is the voice of an angel, wispering u to look beyond the clouds of allday live, ur life.

Why  do i write this down, is it my ego, thinking people will read this and so  maybe feel it too, or recognize same vibration, a whisper of ur angelvoice making u aware of the fact u are here, on earth, completing what u have to do, being the difference for u.