Solong to life itself

Imagine there is no Heaven it is easy if u try…no hell below us, above us only sky image all the People living for the day, imagine there is not country, it is hard to do, nothing to kill or die for an no religion too .imagine all the people living life in peace…….. U may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one. I hope one day u will join us and the world will be as one .1907927_344891515694824_8553869141558523736_nWhen u have been floating towards the light, what many people call heaven and u actually just been pushed back into life, u should be happy, but i am not…..

Shameful i have to admit i am not happy and want to go back there, maybe egoistic maybe selfish if u consider the love i found with Kees my dearest love since 2005, my children who are adult but will have to live without me, to my cats and family and friends.

But this tremendous light, love, energy, i want to be there forever.

How to go on, well mostly i  just live on, doing what i have to do, but every day i get up thinking okay u have to get out of bed, u have to go outside and be a brave human, do u work, ur household and enjoy life………but i dont enjoy much of it, sure i laugh, sure i love, sure i talk with friends and colleges as if all is normal.

I cannot be present, i cannot handle life anymore, accept the moments we had during our vacation, strangely enough then it seems okay, then life is somehow more important…… is it because the only issue is our food every day, nothing to worry about, no obligations, that is selfish too, and yes i know people are great too, artists of all kind, children and the nice evens that occur, but i actually dont want to be on this earth anymore, to be human, to live and see all the sorrow, to experience all the pain and abuse to animals, to mankind and earth itself, the bad site of this world is to big for me, the good side is not big enough anymore for me to see, to focus.

So two reasons to not be here anymore, being there at the end of the rainbow, in “heaven”, in the unconditional love and tremendous light and the way most of us live their life not aware, day by day going by with all horrifying events around them, keeping up society in earning money, banks with their filthy ways  and not many people care enough, eating meat, they way this gets on their tray and i could go on for many pages to give more examples.

Of course, there are also  so many nice, sweet and worthwhile living people and events to that. But as long as we not all become more aware of the inhuman earthly life we keep on creating, i choose the end of it, of life of being alive….. sorry for that.

I am not saying animals are more true, nature deserves it that mankind would have to go or people are not worth it, but how do u do it being aware of all and still go on……………. u  may say it if u can. But i lost it, the urge to live, to wake up and start the day in innocence.2626_78282600691_7563561_n


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