For many years i have been telling myself not to grant any value to the things i gathered during my life, i actually wanted to sell all and or throw it away.

I really dont know how the idea came to me, but i was watching a painter who shows his work and how he loved landscapes, but also is a hunter, so he paints deer and very good, as a matter of fact this painter is very famous and in the UK they call him the dutch master, he makes very beautifull paintings, but the remarkeble issue is, he shoots deer, while he loves them most of all.

That made me think, how is that possible and suddenly it got to me, one is able to detach, to not feel, to stay froozen when nessecairy, to be able to have full feelings just because of it, 487f990d7264c9e58b0c5bde2f46dc41that is a wonderfull thaught.

What happened with me having the idea one has to detach i will tell u in the coming story , so maybe it explains why.

So, i was out of my body for a few minutes and family around my bed was told maybe i would not make it, after a week i sort of woke up and then i knew, i was in a wonderfull place, so my reaction was, i dont want to live, i want to go back there, there and then the idea of not being attached to anything started and maybe it is a natural reaction, certainly when i was in my deepest depressing thaughts.

And now 9 years later i find it back, the source of enjoy on earth, enjoyment looking at nature, details everywhere in the town i live, on the old houses, ornaments, beautifull doors, porches, canals, bridges, people and the flowers and plants some ppl grow in tiny gardens in front of their house, it makes Amsterdam sweet and colorfull and so very enjoyeble..

This could be a way back to being more alife, more enjoyment and even more views on anything, thaughts, way of life, even judgements.

In the end of this year i will come back on this and update this experience, who knows it did do the right thing towards being able to be happy, enjoy and more earthly view, after all, thats where i am.

Share Button

Deja Vue

Where did i smell this before, a mix of vinigar, silver and mustard, the smell of a hotelbar in the morning, without the smoke and ash odeur which mostly goes with it.

From a place i once was and i knew instantly i would ever remember it, i would think of it, like it was  milestone, a moment of pride, fear or astonishment, of being aware, present.

Will i ever find out, maybe,  but it took me back, it took me back wanting to remember how it was to be a family, with my mother and father, sisters and even an aunt, who all lived in our hotel THE ANGEL in Deventer the place where i was born or with my partner and sons, allthough it is not the same, when u are the adult..

I am sad, i am longing for togetherness, want to be loved and have faith, feeling protected without knowing, is it important, is it a drop of water in the ocean of my life or just tying to be real and loved, the smell tells me this?

Is it my soul yearning for the light, the love, the everlasting warm glowing love there is when u leave ur body, when u go to gather with all who had a life on earth.

Years pass by and it all ads up, hours, days, doing what has to be done, going to work, doing the household and so on, life is ok nothing more nothing less.

Till u get a deja vue, then u know u have to stand still, think of what u are doing, making it worth more then just being, living ur life and getting along with it all. U are the one who makes the difference for u, the image is the voice of an angel, wispering u to look beyond the clouds of allday live, ur life.547487_558950727475060_1151245275_n

Why  do i write this down, is it my ego, thinking people will read this and so  maybe feel it too, or recognize same vibration, a whisper of ur angelvoice making u aware of the fact u are here, on earth, completing what u have to do, being the difference for u.

Share Button